New Element Discovered! *Ü*

The Heaviest Element

*/Lawrence Livermore Laboratories/* has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, *Governmentium *(symbol=Gv), has one *neutron*, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called *morons*, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called *peons*. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a *reorganization* in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming *isodopes*.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as *critical morass*. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes *Administratium* (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

I just couldn't resist! Somedays, I wonder what "they're" thinkin'!

Exasperated, Chris